The Kidling is a really terrific human being, but she is not a good listener. Please note the italics. “Not a good listener” is fundamentally different from “Not a good listener.” Trust me on this.
Now, once upon a time The Kidling was neither a good hearer nor a good listener. We shoved some tubes in those little kidling ears of hers and fixed all that. Now she has no excuse. Which is good, because she doesn’t bother making them. Oh no, The Kidling ignores The Mama and The Dada with malice aforethought and wanton disregard for the mental well-being of The Parents.
This is all, of course, one very long synonym for “naughty.” And as many of you know, “naughty” is simply a very short synonym for ”four-year old.” So why am I selling out The Kidling for the whole world to see (and by “the whole world” I really mean the 100 or so of you who will stop by the book of alice today)?
Because The Kidling is a liar.
Yeah yeah, I know. I can hear you all gasping in the blogosphere: ”But Christine! Alice is sweet, charming, funny, clever, wise, loving, strong, brave, and witty.” I wholeheartedly agree. But she is also a big, fat small, skinny liar.
Liar Liar Pants on Fire.
Want proof? We spent last weekend at a campground with The Mama’s family. One of her very sweet cousins was being a stinker at dinner time. Alice peered down the picnic table at him before declaring to her grandfather, “He’s not following directions. It is important to follow directions. I always follow directions.”
I call bullshit, Alice Munchkin Kidling. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
I laughed so hard at your last line I scared Nora Baby!
Yay! That is the best first comment I have ever gotten! Welcome to the book of alice, Ashleigh! I hope Nora doesn’t suffer for your amusement.
Cheers!
I laughed so hard at your last line that I scared little Nora Baby!
God, I love reading your posts. They ALWAYS make me giggle.
Shucks. Thanks, Kathy. You sure know how to flatter a gal.
Nah, I just speak truth. When I’m really trying to flatter, I get MUCH more elaborate.
Double shucks! That is even more flattering. And thanks for reading. I always smile when I see that the little nun made a comment.
Awesome, and so freakin true.
Thanks, Simon. Though I wish your comment had been more along the lines of, “Oh, we used to have that problem. I started feeding baby untreated turf grass and she magically stopped” or something equally as cheap and easy. Oh well. I guess empathy is a decent second choice.
unfortunately, my attorney has advised me against discussing the whole duct taping incident in such a public forum.
Bwah ha ha ha ha!
Filters are amazing. Apparently Alice filters out all of the times she is told not to do something so that she thinks she always does what she is told.
Precisely, Shannon. The funny thing is, later that same night she told me, “I was going to refuse to follow your directions” as I was tucking her in. Um, sweet dreams to you, too?
Well at least she warned you that she didn’t intend to listen to you. Mine just pretends and tells me he doesn’t understand understand me even though I know he did.
Have I told you about the time mine made me chase him through JCPenney’s twice? Then he hid under one of the displays back against the wall so I couldn’t find him which freaked me out. Finally I held onto his arm so he couldn’t run off which was also a poor choice because he made me nail my shoulder on one of the clothing racks and I ended up with a huge bruise. On top of that, he was pulling all the price tags of clothes. And that was just one trip.
Be glad you have a girl because even if they say they aren’t going to listen, it’s not as bad.
Sooooooo naughty! How old is your little angel? I just want to know if I should breathe a sigh of relief (if he is younger and it has passed) or dreadfully await my fate (if he is older and Alice isn’t there yet).
Older – He is seven.
Shit.
I’m sure Alice will be much better behaved!
I will let you know in 2.5 years. I am not counting on it.
Well, I actually have a post on MM going up in a day or so – you’ll see that those are just “moments.” It’s also a little bit more crazy because MM isn’t with us all the time (he is my stepson and is with his mom more frequently) so he is more energetic and crazy when he gets to be with us.
I definitely understand that, Shannon. And I know Alice is far more wound up when she is with people she doesn’t get to see as often as she likes. I can’t wait to read the post.
Also, my comment reply boxes keep disappearing on me and forcing me to have typos I didn’t create. Please ignore that “understand” appears twice in my previous response. I had to type the whole thing twice because when I was proof reading it, it disappeared and I had to start all over.
You know, Shannon, I have been having quirky things like that happen too. In fact, my entire comment will just disappear and I have to start over.
I also hate that with the “Chunky” theme, my replies don’t go directly beneath the comment to which I am replying. It drives me batty. It is also why I always include the name of the commenter in my reply.
Yep, that is exactly what is happening to me. I kind of hate the new notification system in it’s entirety. I’ve been having all sorts of problems since they changed it. I did notice that about your comments. I would imagine that would be frustrating!
I fixed it, I fixed it! Now I won’t have to mention each of my commenters by name…
Check that out! You totally fixed it! Congrats
Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.
She was following the Credo Of The Four Year Old – suck up to the grandparents…:-)
Where do I get a copy of this Credo? What does it say about throwing fits whilst having your hair washed? Any bribery tips?
Hmm…dessert was never given until after bath time…:-)
Genius, Mimi. I will try it tonight. I’ll let you know tomorrow how it goes…
It’s an “aspirational truth.” Ha!
Oh, you are so positive Kamellia. Will you come over to tell me to look on the bright side of things tonight at 7:30 when Alice is throwing a fit about bed time?
Hmmm… let me check my calendar…sorry. I have an appointment to “scream at my 6 year old to wash her hair” at that exact same time! It’s followed by an appointment to: “drink another glass of champagne from that bottle from New Year’s that I finally opened.”
Once I finish washing The Kidling’s hair, can I come to your place to calm down with you and your champagne? I can bring a bottle of wine for you to open in six months…
They say that the ability to lie is an important developmental milestone and survival mechanism, but “they” might be the same people who claim that being shat upon by a bird is good luck, in which case they are also full of “aspirational truths” and should kiss my white, motherly @ss.
Oh Fathead. “They” are the cause of all of life’s problems, no? They say you should ignore negative behaviors. They say you should reward positive behaviors. They say you shouldn’t use food as a reward. They say…
You know what I say? Eff they.
Cheers, kindred mothering spirit!