Sometimes it just seems they* are out to get you.

It seems as though any time The Kidling gets out of bed after we tuck her in, The Dada and I are watching television.

Strike one. Alice adores television.

Thankfully, we are usually watching something boring like the news or a “grown-up show,” which in Kidlingish is anything that is not 1) animated or 2) Sesame Street.

Safe.

But Friday night, They had us on their shit list. On that fine evening, The Dada and I had debated a bedtime snack for Alice but decided against it. We agreed that if she got out of bed we would get her something quick and healthy, but were certain we were going to avoid that happening. Because The Mama is an optimist and sometimes I even fool The Dada.

Then Alice came downstairs with an empty stomach.

Ball. We did expect this. And we had a plan. But… we were watching television. And it was the Olympics.

Strike two. Alice loves watching sports on television.

Then it was commercial time. Thank goodness. Right? Umm, no. Because the good folks at NBC decided during that particular commercial break to show a bit featuring The Lorax. A damn animated, ethical, adorable THING. Sunuvagun. The Dada and I exchanged looks. Seriously? Again? This, dear readers, has happened before. But we knew it would end in about 30 seconds. Whew.

Right? No way. That sloth commercial. That damn adorable sloth commercial. I don’t even know what it is for: a car? Insurance? A phone? Who cares, because there is a damn adorable sloth. And, of course, Alice adores sloths.

Strike three. We are out.

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* “They” are anyone and everyone. The Man, the universe, your boss, those damned yellow lights, the doughnuts that appeared next to the coffee at work with no explanation…